The moment your child is born, life changes forever. It’s not a gradual process, it’s not something that happens overnight or further down the line…..in that split second that your baby comes crashing in to the world, everything changes. And it’s not just the day-to-day stuff that gets turned around, upside down and inside out, it’s the fundamental change that takes place within you as a person, the one that alters the course of life and takes you down a totally new path, one that’s considerably different to the one you walked as a childless young woman, free of responsibilities.
Motherhood in all its forms is quite simply a beautiful thing. It’s rewarding and fulfilling and one of the most incredible journeys i’ve ever encountered. I love my boys more than anything and i wouldn’t change my life for the world but there are times when i feel that becoming a mother has changed me so much that i’ve lost sight of the person i was before they came along. Everything i do is for them and i’m happy with that, i adore being their mummy, but i’m also ‘me’ and i’ve realised that i just don’t take time out for ‘me’ anymore.
To be honest, i’ve always been rubbish at making myself relax and switch off. Anyone who knows me will tell you that i’m permanently attached to my iPhone or iPad checking Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Mr B works away all week so i spend all day running around after my crazy pair and even when they’re in bed for the night i can’t shut down – if i’m not doing normal mummy things like washing, ironing, tidying toys etc. i’m blogging/working away until the early hours of the morning. Personally i find blogging is a sense of release and kind of therapeutic to a certain extent but i still don’t take the time to completely shut myself off from everything. I think as mothers we constantly put pressure on ourselves and trick our brains in to thinking that we need to be constantly busy, otherwise we’re somehow failing at motherhood which of course is utter nonsense, but we all have moments of feeling that way. I do at least.
I think i need to re-educate my brain to accept that it’s ok to do nothing and take some ‘Me-Time’ to indulge my own needs, likes and interests.
The first being my secret love affair with coffee (and the occasional slice of cake). With the every day distractions that the boys present me with it’s been a while since i drank a whole cup of coffee in peace that wasn’t a) stone cold b) mixed with baby milk instead of cows milk and c) put in the highest of places to prevent wandering little hands from touching it but then completely forgotten about until it was a) stone cold!
So, earlier this month i made the spontaneous decision to treat myself to a shiny new nespresso coffee machine, which is heaven enough in itself but then i discovered Caffe Cagliari, a 100 year old Italian family company who specialise in nespresso compatible coffee capsules. Let’s just say i haven’t looked back since. They have 5 varieties to choose from, each offering it’s own unique blend of ingredients, rich flavours and intense aromas and they’re such fantastic value for money compared to the standard Nespresso capsules.
There’s something very comforting and relaxing now about taking a few moments to myself every now and again to sit down in the silence with a cup of hot coffee, some naughty nibbles and just do nothing. It’s getting that much use, i’m worried i’ll be in need of a coffee machine repair before long.
I don’t feel guilty for wasting time, instead i relish in the fact that i’m taking some much needed ‘Me-Time’ and i deserve it.
A part of me has been restored and I feel like the mother in me has been improved.
I’m finding ‘me’ again.